Relationship myths are thoughts that are believed and are not true. When these thoughts are repeated often it is easy for them to become part of our un-conscious thinking, and we start treating the thoughts like proven facts. For example, you may believe that because all people are created equal that men and women express the way they love their partners in the same way. This is a false belief. It is a myth that fortunately most people no longer believe because they know better.
As I explain in my book, Love Secrets for a Lasting Relationship, there are ten relationship myths that are strongly impacting our relationships. I want to share a couple of Relationship Myths that potentially could be highly destructive. If you believe these myths, you could be creating severe relationship problems, and worse yet, you could unwittingly fall prey to them and become their victim. Although there are many myths, I am going to explore with you two myths because that are closely related.
The first myth is one that thanks to my clients I learned is widely held, little discussed, and yet is one of the leading causes for divorce. This particular myth provides an easy way to rationalize leaving the relationship rather than working through issues. In short, it leaves a back door to exit out of the relationship. The myth is:
Commitment is valid only as long as my relationship is good.
One of the most common myths is that you should stay in your relationship only as long as it is good. According to this myth, when you experience disappointment and/or struggle your commitment to each other in no longer valid. With no valid commitment, it becomes perfectly okay to leave the relationship and blame outside factors. The concluding belief that is acted upon is that the relationship is simply not the right one for you.
If you believe this myth that commitment is valid only as long as my relationship is good, you are un-consciously creating disappointment and struggle. The myth and its fake truth gain power over you because you have stopped trusting in the power of your love. Without trusting your love, you will not have the power to resolve important relationship issues.
To avoid being caught in the trap of the fake myth, you need to remember that love is the most powerful force in the universe. When you use your awesome power of Love, there is absolutely no obstacle too big for you to overcome. The right solution for overcoming your relationship issues will be attracted to you.
Unfortunately this myth is incredibly easy to sneak into your un-consious awareness. Men are particularly vulnerable because they often say and believe, “If this doesn't work, I'm out of here!” To guard against falling prey to this myth, I offer you a healthy, creative way of looking at your relationship – a way that can stop the fake myth dead in its tracks.
Here is what you can do to stop the fake myth before it sneaks into your un-conscious and starts playing havoc with your relationship. First, call your imagination into action. Imagine your relationship like a beautiful garden that you are both planting together. You decide to make your garden lush and beautiful, so gorgeous that you want maintain its beauty. To keep it beautiful, you decide to take the next step and weed it on a regular basis. Every day you check in on your garden and when there are weeds, you pluck them out. Of course, the weeds represent your issues and those heart warnings that something in the relationship needs adjusting. Because you are committed to the garden being beautiful, you are motivated to let your passion take you beyond fear and pain back to the precious relationship you share.
Third, to further protect yourself from the debilitating myth that commitment is valid only as long as my relationship is good, you want to safeguard your garden – make it impenetrable. A fun way that you and your partner can accomplish this is by daily repeating affirmations (positive thoughts) about your relationship. To make the most of the affirmations, you repeat them until they take root in the structure of your core beliefs. Affirmations (positive thoughts) might be ones such the following, “I love my partner just the way my partner is.” “Together my partner and I are an awesome force.” “The more I reveal my inner thoughts and feelings to my partner, the stronger our relationship becomes.”
Powerful thoughts repeated daily act like fertilizer to your garden. They nourish the flowers from the roots up. Having gratitude for your wonderful relationship is also highly beneficial for your garden. Gratitude acts like the sun shining down on your garden and blessing it.
Now, I confess that using the garden analogy may seem a little feminine for many men. Well, even if it is, the analogy works so well that it is worthwhile going beyond little prejudices and using what works. You might call your garden analogy your secret marriage-works garden. Remember, 62% of marriages succeed, and you want to be part of the positive statistics. This is one myth you want to have power over.
A second myth that is closely related to the first myth and is important to understand so you don't become a victim to it, is:
Love is not enough!
This is a challenging myth to overcome because it is extremely tempting to believe that Love is not enough. When there is a relationship issue that is plaguing you, it is natural to want to fix it – to find solutions. You become like a relationship mechanic ready with your hammer and screw driver. For example, if you are a man and your female partner raises her voice and it is razor sharp and directed toward you, you automatically swing into action. Your male energy comes into play and you believe you can fix what is wrong by saying, “Sweetheart, no need to raise your voice, everything will turn out fine.” Your rational mind is telling you this is an excellent way to fix the situation. Well, is it?
Or, if you are a woman, you might decide to do your fixing in another way. You might say to your partner, “No need to raise your voice. There must be something bothering you. Let's get to the heart of it. Tell me what is really wrong.” This is a woman's way of fixing and probably 99% of the time doesn't work. Well, is this right men? Does this type of fixing push you further away?
In both these cases the man and woman are believing that Love is not enough! They want to fix what is wrong. Their rational mind has taken charge. Their intuitive Love Mind has taken a back seat.
When you believe that Love is enough, you believe and act differently. First off, you believe in the power of Love. Believing in the power of Love means that when there is an issue (a conflict), you are willing to shut off your rational Thinking Mind (your chatterbox). Instead, you are willing say “No” to your rational Mind and redirect your attention to move into your Intuition, your Divine Spirit. This is True Love. Love is activated when you surrender to the Divine Presence and intuitively know that it will guide you into doing what is right for you.
When you are in the True Love, you are loving yourself for who you are, and you are loving your partner for who your partner is. When your partner raises his or her voice, you would say something like this, “I hear you; I understand; and I am here for you.” Something else you might do is to remain silent and from your heart send your partner love and caring. Thoughts and feelings travel invisibly at the speed of light and your partner will sense them.
When people turn to using their rational thinking mind as a way of demonstrating love, it is because deep down they fear their love is not enough to over relationship issues/barriers. They may also fear that deep down they don't deserve a loving, lasting relationship. The best way to let go of these types of fears is to begin with small steps. When there is a small issue, instead of trying to fix or mend it, leave it alone. Leave it alone and instead give your partner your caring, understanding and emotional support. You can do this silently, or by saying you understand their difficulty and are willing to listen. This will demonstrate to your partner that you love him or her, and are willing to be guided by your love. You are standing powerfully in the Love Force.
By taking small steps you will build confidence in your love and its power. Before long you will be excited about using your Power Of True Love to overcome relationship issues. As part of your reward, you will discover that your relationship is on a more even keel and consequently there are not so many emotional rollercoaster “ups and downs”. When you really get good at standing in the Love and letting it be your relationship guide, you will feel on top of the world. You won't be tempted by myths such as Commitment is valid only as long as my relationship is good.
You will know:
Love is Enough! I am Love. I am the Force of Love and I am using it!